The End – #WickedWednesday

This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I’ll never look into your eyes, again

Can you picture what will be, so limitless and free
Desperately in need, of some, stranger’s hand
In a, desperate land

This is the end, my only friend, the end
It hurts to set you free
But you’ll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
This is the end – The End by The Doors

When I first saw the prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday the above song by The Doors was the first thing that entered my mind, mainly because it kind of explains exactly how I’ve been feeling lately.

I was going to just leave this post as the lyrics of this song and then realised that wouldn’t make a very good post. I doubt that the following post is an improvement though.

First of all I want to apologise to anyone who got worried after my previous Sinful Sunday post, it wasn’t my intention to worry anyone. I just felt like shit, trapped inside my own head and needed to express that some how, the image was the result of that.
If I’m honest I still feel like shit and I feel like I owe you, the people who actually care about me, an explanation as to why I’ve been feeling like this and why I have abandoned Twitter again for a few days. The thing is I can’t actually write exactly what has been going on with me, mainly because I fear being accused of writing it just to get a reaction. 

I’m over doing that now. 

I am also so over feeling shity about myself because of one sided friendships.

The friendships I have, whether they are in real life or online mean everything to me, they *are* everything to me. Friends are suppose to support each other, encourage each other, care about each other. Friends offer condolences, they congratulate, they acknowledge that each other actually exist. 

When you aren’t getting these thing it hurts, when I’m not getting these things it makes me wonder what exactly is wrong with me, what is it about me that means I don’t deserve this persons friendship? I never blame the other person, I always blame myself, it must be my fault that this person doesn’t consider me worth their time or effort.

I’m trying so hard to not let certain things (stupid little things that in the grade scheme of things really don’t matter) like this bother me any more but they do and they make me hate myself, the fact that I feel like this makes me hate myself even more. 

I should be better than this. 

I can be better than this.

I just don’t know how.


About Charlie

On twitter as @CharlieInThe
This entry was posted in Life, Love & Relationships, Sex and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to The End – #WickedWednesday

  1. bustythewench says:

    Always here if you need a friend.
    Much love to you xx

  2. Sharky says:

    The fact that you’re still here and blogging when I threw in the towel with my blog just shows what a strong person you are. We’re here for you if you need us

  3. cherrytartblog says:

    It’s so hard to not blame ourselves. I spent so long trying to please everyone else. Now most of the time I please myself, if someone doesn’t like me then that’s their problem. I’m not going to pretend any more.
    I think you are incredibly brave and strong and I loved your Sinful Sunday photo, sometimes an image is the only way we can express our feelings.

  4. I hope there is someone closer to you who can help you with this, who you can talk to and who can help you to see things clearer. If it helps, like others, I think you are strong. Stronger than you give yourself credit for. Take care, sweetie.

    Rebel xox

    • Charlie says:

      I have no one to help me through this. I’ve tried explaining my feelings to an apparent friend but was just ignored. Thanks for your kind words though. X

  5. “I just don’t know how” . . . well you have already started Charlie. You’ve started by sharing, by expressing it and talking about it. And I think those things often lead one in new, and different, directions. Those new directions may not always seem immediately right, or good, or fulfilling . . . but somewhere, sometime, somehow . . . something will just click. I’m sure of it. And I wish you fun and adventure in your new discoveries.
    Xxx – K

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