And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?
This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me
– Fight Song by Rachel Platten
First of all I would like to say that yes I do know it’s quite cheesy to use this song in a post called My Epiphany but I really don’t care because I feel it actually fits quite well with how I am now trying to change my mind set.
My epithany actually came a few hours after posting my last Sinful Sunday picture, after weeks maybe even months of feeling myself sink further and further into a depressive state, after letting the thoughts I was having dampen and darken any little light that was struggling to shine its way through, after blaming other people for making me feel bad when 90% of it was all in my own head.
It is time to focus on the good things in my life, my family, my friends, the fact I’m living in a proper house (not a bedsit) with a great friend, I’ve got a new job which I’m looking forward to starting properly next week after my training. I’m going to have more money so it means I can go visit said friends who are scattered around the country, I can start planning trips abroad to feed my wanderlust.
The biggest thing I have realised is that I am never going to truly be happy being stuck in this country, doing what everyone else does, working all the hours available just to live for weekends and a two week holiday abroad a year. I am not knocking anyone who does this, it just isn’t for me. I’ve always lead a nomadic kind of life, in the first 9 years of my life I lived in 4 different countries around the world. I’ve lived in various places up and down this country. No matter how much I love Liverpool as a city it just isn’t enough anymore.
I have made the BIG decision and that is that I want to go live in Australia. This country is turning to shit, I have nothing holding me here, I’m fed up of waiting for something to happen that I know never will.
I’ve had this sort of epiphany before when I first decided to move to Liverpool. I know this is something I need to do, there’s a whole world out there and I need to experience it!
It’s a scary thought moving that far away and it’s going to take me a while to save up the funds (I’m looking to go early 2017) but it’s something I really want, it’s something I really need because I am alright and I do still have a little fight left in me.