I first started taking part in Sinful Sunday to try and boost my self confidence.
Sadly I have to say that even after over a year of getting so many lovely comments from people my confidence hasn’t grown, in fact I fear that it has hit an all time low.
I understand that my brain works in very strange ways thanks to my depression but all I think is that if I’m as wonderful/beautiful/sexy as the people in this community say I am then why am I still unloved and so alone?
Why do I still see myself as a broken, worthless, stupid, fat, ugly lump of a person?
Why do I feel that this community, no matter how much I love being a part of it, is doing me more harm than good in trying to convince me that I’m something I’m not?
Why is there always something to remind me of what I never will be and what I never will have?
Why when looking in the mirror do I see a person that I wish I wasn’t? Why do I see a person I hate being?
Why can’t I see what you all apparently see?