My best friend at work has been having some relationship problems and it’s caused me to realise what I really want.
Her and her boyfriend have been together for 15 months, they have been living together for 14 months, he just quit his job and now spends his days smoking weed, sitting on his ass not looking for a new job, growing 4 weed plants to sell and not providing for her or his two kids. She is an amazingly clever girl, she would do anything for anyone just to make them happy and has had a tough time. She was turned off of men for 4 years after being in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship and during her time at uni dated girls. She says she always knew she wasn’t gay and would end up in the long term with a guy, her parents were so happy when she finally did get her with boyfriend. I think their approval is one of the main reasons she has stay with him for so long.
She deserves so much more than this guy is ever going to be able to give her and I hope that someday soon she is going to realise it.
We were talking on the drive home from work today about what she really wants from a guy in a relationship. I don’t really think she’s asking for much, what do you think?
She wants a guy with ambition and drive, she want a guy that she can rely on to provide for her and any future kids that they may have (she found out this year that because of PCOS she can’t have kids naturally so will need IVF in the future and because her current boyfriend already has two kids if she says with him they will need to pay for it themselves) She want a guy who she will take her out on dates and plan holidays abroad with, she want a guy that she can trust to give £10 to put on the electric meter and not put only a fiver on it and spend the rest in the bookies then lie to her about it!
It’s the simple things in life that really matter when it comes to relationships and it’s all anyone deserves.
Listening to all these things made me realise that I really don’t want a “proper” or “conventional” relationship. Yes, I know that all relationships won’t be as hard as their’s is, I’ve seen plenty of happy couples with amazing relationships, I’ve also seen a hell of a lot of relationship break down after a long time of troubles, my parents relationship being the one that has effected me the most and if I’m honest I’m scared of settling for someone when I know I deserve so much more. I’m also scared that if that does happen I won’t be strong enough to do the right thing and end it.
Don’t get me wrong obviously it would be nice to be loved whole heartedly by a guy but I have friends and family that love me (I understand it a different kind of love but it is still love) and that should be enough, I just need to learn to appreciate it more.
I’m not in the right place in my life for a relationship, I have too many things I want to do before I settle down. Since going on holiday in July I now have a incredibly strong wanderlust.
I’m already planning trips to Kraków and to Germany in December to visit the Christmas markets.
What I want, what I’ve always really wanted is a guy who is my friend, treats me like all his other friends and who I can have kinky, sexy fun with.
I doubt I’ll ever find a guy like that and until I do I shall make sure I’m having enough fun not to worry about it.