I was first inspired to write this post after reading Molly’s post Something Sexy way back in April.
I think it’s a well written body positive post in which she concluded that’s “I am sexy because I am me”
” What makes me sexy is the person that I am, all that I am, my personality, the way I look, how my brain works, my sexuality, my gender etc but what really makes me sexy is finding someone who my particular brand of sexy works for. I am not sexy because he says I am or because his belief that I am sexy transforms me into something sexy but my sexy does find its place on that person.
Was I sexy when I was single? Yes. Because I was me then just as I am me now but having someone who finds my sexy, sexy, makes me feel sexy and feeling sexy is the answer to what makes me sexy?”
It got me thinking about how I view myself and do I actually consider myself sexy. My gut reaction is to say no, I am not sexy but it’s actually a really difficult question to answer honestly because at the moment I am still working on my body confidence issues so I usually only consider myself sexy when I am being told I am by a guy.
As Molly talks about in her post feeling sexy and knowing you are sexy are two completely different things.
So what makes me feel sexy?
I’ve never bought into the whole wearing sexy underwear makes you feel sexier thing, I think that’s mainly because I’ve never actually bought any type of sexy lingerie, it’s something I will try and invest in in the future to see if it does make me feel sexy even if I’m just wearing it on a normal day. With my current self confidence issues having a man that finds me attractive make me feel sexy, feeling his hands on my skin, his eyes roaming my body, the little twinkle in his eye when he looks at me, his hand brushing past my shoulder as he walks behind me or his hand placed underneath my top on my lower back when we are on a bus makes me feel sexy.
It’s not just praise for my body that makes me feel sexy. Oddly enough I don’t usually feel particularly sexy leading up to sex but during it and most importantly afterwards I do and being in the after glow of sex makes me feel sexy and all my insecurities go. I might still lack confidence in my abilities but I just don’t worry about my body when a guy has just had access to it.
Intelligence and attentiveness is a huge turn on for me so knowing that a guy likes having a conversation with me, that’s he’s actually interested in what I have to say and listens to me makes me feel sexier than any other thing a guy could do.
I know it’s very dangerous to my mental health to put my self worth / how I see myself in the hands of guys that don’t really care about me and only call me sexy to try and get my knickers but then I think why would they say it if they didn’t actually mean it, what would they get out of lying to me and why would they want to sleep with me if they didn’t find me sexy, it must mean that I am actually sexy.
So I guess the answer to the question am I sexy is yes but I can only ever see it via the eyes of other people. I hope as time goes on I will see myself as always being sexy.