She has moved into a place where the windows are just as tall but even more wide. The bay window she could have open to the world is closed. It faces a busy road and a popular pub, being in a room that if she opens the blinds is then open to the whole world is not something she can cope with. Shutting the blinds and closing the curtains shuts off the bad thoughts that’s penetrate her brain. She is trying to overcome this feeling.
She actually introduced herself to a housemate. Shutting herself away, in every way possible will never be good.
She needs to fall in love with something. So she has fallen in love with this place.
Late at night she steps outside into the back yard to smoke. The disused mattress and shopping trolley in it might speak volumes to the people who judge the place she has moved to. The sounds around her are so different now, she is so use to hearing the cheesy music from the gay bars below her old flat, all she hears now is the passing traffic. It doesn’t matter though because she looks up past the old brick work of her new house into the strip of obsidian sky that is visible between the terrace houses and to her complete surprise she can see stars. Seeing the stars brings a certain peace. The fact that the Big Dipper shines right above her lifts her spirit, she sees it as a sign of hope.
Stepping outside of this new comfort zone she has created for herself she now gets to see the beauty of the world. She gets to enjoy the life that she really should be living.
As she walks around these streets that will soon become home she feels something start to change deep within her.
The building aren’t as tall here. The sky is so much bigger. Her head feels clearer, her heart feels lighter. She finds it easier to breath here.
In this place she now calls home, she might be alone as she always has been and she is slowly learning to accept she may always be lonely but she knows here she will never walk alone.
*This post was partly inspired by Ella Dawson’s Journal Entry : Brooklyn post