Here in the UK it is Mother’s Day, I have been back home spending time with my mother, mainly because my big brother is still AWOL and I didn’t want her to be alone, even on a fake holiday.
It got me thinking about how our relationship has changed over the years.
Asking my Twitter followers about their relationships with their mothers, I got a mixed response from women and men, I would say it was 35% positive and 70% negative. Which actually surprised me. It seems that Mother/Daughter relationships are always the trickiest though.
Thankfully my relationship with my mother is good, especially compared to when I was a teenager. I was never the favourite child, my mum cried when my brother moved out, she didn’t when I moved out, which spoke volumes to me at the time.
When I was struggling financially a few years ago a work colleague suggested I move back in with my mum to help me get myself sorted out, I actually laughed at her. The thing is my mum and I get on so well because we don’t live together, we are completely opposite when it comes to most things, I like books, she likes reality TV. She has an OCD-esk obsession with cleaning, where as I am extremely messy. I put the toilet roll so the paper is over the top, she puts it so it’s at the back. Living with each other we would drive each other mad.
As a teenage I never had the typical mother/daughter arguments that are always portrayed in tv shows and films, I never screamed I hate you at her then ran up to my room and slammed the door. To be honest she was pretty relaxed with my older brother and I when it came to most things. Both of us went through the typical teenage rebellious phase, smoking, drinking, taking drugs and skipping school/failing college. As a single parent going through her own shit I think she coped fairly well. I think she was fairly relaxed (when I say fairly relaxed I don’t mean she was happy with what we were doing, I just mean that she accepted that there were things we did and no matter what she did she could never stop us) because it was mainly her fault that my parents divorced, she had an affair with a man, moved us back to the UK and moved him in. He eventually cheated on her. I think on some level my issues with men have been learnt from watching her fail at every relationship she’s had. I don’t mean that in a really harsh way, she has just picked some men who turned out to be psychos, one of them telling me when I was about 11 that I should always supply my own condoms when I have sex with a boy because guys will put pin holes in their condoms because they like to feel that they have left something in a girl! Another one of them emotionally blackmailing her and trolled me on Twitter. I’m not stupid enough to blame all my issues on someone else, I guess it’s just hard for me to know what a “real loving relationship” is like because I’ve never actually seen one.
The thing is we do get on very well but we aren’t actually particularly close, I don’t share my relationship status/problems with her and she doesn’t share hers with me. I think there are something’s you don’t need to know about a parents/child’s life. Obviously if I ever got a boyfriend I would tell her but only if she asked questions, that’s just me though, I never openly share personal information with friends/family unless they specifically ask.
She knows about this blog but has no idea what I actually write about and honestly I have no idea how she would feel about it if I told her.
One thing about our relationship that I’m very glad about is that she puts no pressure on me or tells me I’m failing at life because I’m 27, unwed and have no kids. I see it in my friends relationships with their mums and the pain it causes can be extremely damaging to a person.
My mum accepts the fact that I will most likely never make her a grandma, I do not want children, I have never really had any desire to have children. I have the right to change my mind on this in the future and she is fine with it either way.
I know I am extremely lucky to have such a good relationship with my mum now, especially after all the crap I’ve put her through over the years.
So to all the mothers who read this blog and care about Mother’s Day, I hope you had a great one.
To everyone who has lost their mother I offer a big virtual Charlie hug.
To everyone else, hope you’ve had a great Sunday.