Who’s to blame?

I wasn’t going to write about this, I just want to forget it and move on but people seem to be missing the point completely. So this is my final say on the matter and after this I never want to speak of it again.

Following on from my post about The DJ.

Yesterday I went on my old Twitter account and had a stalk of his profile (I know, that’s the crazy girl coming out of me) What I found really annoyed me. It turns out he is getting married at the end of the year to a girl he has been with for nearly 10 years!
Obviously I took to Twitter to vent my frustrations and it seems that a few people think that this whole situation is all my fault. If I didn’t post naked pictures and talk about being horny 24/7 (I do talk about it a lot but not 24/7) then I would be able to attract nice guys looking for a relationship and not attract men who are only after sex.
This is where they have completely missed the point.
I’m not annoyed at the fact that I seem to attract men that are only after one thing, that I can deal with. What I can’t deal with is the fact that this guy lied about being engaged. He is in a committed relationship and seemed to think it was ok to sext me, even suggesting multiple times that we should meet up very soon.
Why is that when a guy cheats women will always stick all the blame on the other women?
Why am I the one being told I need to change my behaviour when I was the one who didn’t do anything wrong?
All I did was talk to a guy, who I thought was single. All I did was like a guy because I thought he liked me.
You can call me naive or a doormat, all I did was think I had made a friend.
I didn’t and still don’t care if he was only after sex, what I care about is being lied to and having people judge me when I have done nothing wrong (it particularly annoys me that I’m being judged by someone who I know has cheated on their husband). If he had told me he had girlfriend or if I ever had any doubts that he wasn’t single I would of stopped it straight away.
I was cheated on by my ex and it fucked me up for a long time.
I never want to be the girl that someone cheats on their partner with.
I will admit I have been close to doing it before, I wrote about it in my post My Shoulder Angel Won

But my morals kicked in at the last minute and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be that sort of person. I know in that situation I was the one in the wrong, we both were. Feel free to judge me on that situation, I still feel guilty about it.

In this current situation I am not the victim, nor am I the one to blame.
Just because I talk about wanting sex and post nude pictures on here, it does not give guys in relationships the right to cheat on their partners.
Why is that so hard for people to see?
Why am I still the one being blamed?

About Charlie

On twitter as @CharlieInThe
This entry was posted in Love & Relationships, Sex and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Who’s to blame?

  1. Kenny says:

    It’s good to vent. Guys cheat for a boat load of reasons and when a guy flirts, you have a choice to either trust they are being truthful or not. You gave him the benefit of the doubt. You see the good in people…that’s a powerful trait. This douche lied. You did nothing wrong.

    I’m enjoying your blog.

  2. Charlie, when you are brave enough to post about personal matters like you are some people are going to have opinions you may not like. i think trust yourself, and your feelings. it sounds like a crappy situation, and you are doing the best thing–acknowledging and moving on!

    • Charlie says:

      I know ill always get opinions that i dont like when i write a blog, I was just annoyed that they didnt understand the real reason why i was upset. You are right though, moving on is the best thing ūüėÉ

  3. Lonely Lolita says:

    Deffinetly not your fault. This guy is a scum bag and i never think its the “other womens” fault because that guy is supposed to be faithful and ive been cheated on before and i dont have a problem with the girls just him.

  4. abbirode says:

    Good post.
    We need to remind the finger pointers to stop always blaming the girl.
    But the game is set up like that. We gotta fight to change it.

  5. barnumbull says:

    Totally agree with the above – what you’re experiencing is a essentially a form of slut-shaming (by the way, I’m not calling you a slut) where the girl is held accountable for everything that befalls her. This kind of thing really pisses me off. The fault here lies purely with the guy – no question. Writing posts like this and actively confronting the people who blame you is a great way to turn the tables. He is not a child, he knew what he was doing and just because you talk about sex etc that does not make it ok to mess you around.

    I long for the day where guys and girls who talk about sex aren’t automatically assumed to be unworthy of a decent relationship. It should be seen as a healthy thing, not something to tar people with.

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