Sexual Performance Reviews

A few weeks ago on twitter I mentioned that I thought getting sexual performance reviews (I’m sure other people had talked about this before too) after having sex with someone might be a good thing and how it could be quite useful to receive.
As I have mentioned so many times before on this blog that I’m starting to sound like a broken record, I haven’t had a lot of sex over the past few years and I was scared that when I eventually did have it my main concern was what if I was awful at it.

I think it was @Kilted_Wookie who said you have breasts, a vagina and were willing to have sex with them so to a guy it will always be good.

Sadly the women’s brain (or maybe its just my brain) doesn’t work like that so when I did eventually have sex I was left with lots of doubts. Damn my over thinking brain again.

So many questions come to mind.
I can’t have been the best but surely I wasn’t the worst?
Was I good at sucking your cock?
What can I improve on to make it better?

When I talk about sexual performance reviews I do not mean someone pointing out every flaw that you have and everything you do wrong.
My self esteem could not cope with that at all. I don’t know anyone’s that could.
I want someone to praise me for what I do well and to give me pointers at how I can improve on certain aspects that will create more enjoyment for both parties.

I personally struggle with being able to articulate in person exactly what I like when it come to sex. Call me a prude, I don’t know. It’s just not in my nature (or I’ve never been given the opportunity in the past) to ask for what I want.
So can I ask for a performance review when I can’t give one myself?

I think it all stems down to one thing. I’ve reached the stage in my life where I just want to be guided and to learn about the different aspects of sexual pleasure. How will I know what I like if I don’t try it? How will I know what you like if you don’t tell me?

Basically, I am a student, who will be my teacher?

*This post was added to #WickedWednesday prompt #142: Reviews on the 18th February 2015

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About Charlie

On twitter as @CharlieInThe
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8 Responses to Sexual Performance Reviews

  1. Lace Winter says:

    So here I have visions of “post-incident satisfaction surveys” (I almost wrote “customer satisfaction surveys” then realized in this context that could have an *entirely* different meaning!). At first glance it seems cold and calculating, right? But really, if you get down to it, it’s like performance evaluations at work. Most people dread them and think of them as a time for the boss to clobber them over the head at how awful they are (and justify not getting a raise), but the supposed actual purpose is to help the employee improve and thus build a better working relationship. Why should it be any different between two people?

    “Dear boyfriend. Last night we had sex. While to all external appearances it gave the impression of being a satisfying experience for both parties, as in any human endeavor there is always room for improvement. Therefore, please take two minutes to fill out the following post-coital satisfaction survey:

    1) When engaging in fellatio, was it:
    a) Awful
    b) Meh
    c) Really good
    d) Mind-blowing

    “Please write in the extra space any suggestions for improvement you may have. Our goal is 100% total satisfaction!”

    Lol. Yeah, not sure how that would go down. Too clinical, obviously, but the real point is open and *safe* communication! So, I think you may be on to something here. 🙂

    • Charlie says:

      Haha! Can you imagine handing out a survey after sex that would be a bit weird. 😃

      An example i should of used is if a women fakes an orgasm, who does it actually benefit? She’s left unsatisfied and he thinks he’s doing a good job. If she’s honest and kind with feedback, he will learn what she likes and then they both win.

      So yeah, what I’m really talking about is open and honest communication.

  2. I ask for pointers all the time. It’s not a critique at all that way, it’s a “how you do you like it that would make it better?”. They feel better about that statement because everyone is different, and again, not asking for criticism.
    I understand your fears and anxiety, but truly, your friend is right: it seems all we need is to be female and willing the majority of the time.

  3. Grace1ess says:

    Although kinda clinical I would actually be alright with a woman handing me a piece of paper and asking me to mark her performance based on X criteria and would happily take one in return, but that’s just me and I’m always striving to find aspects to improve lol Very enjoyable read 🙂 thank you.

  4. Like you, I would not be able to handle it if someone points out everything I do ‘wrong’. However, I am hard on myself and point them out to myself, which doesn’t help either. I have actually never had bad responses after sex, not from casual or regular partners. Neither have I had good responses, except from my Husband and one friend we occasionally date with.
    I think sometimes us women are far too hard on ourselves…

    Rebel xox

  5. Where we’re going, we don’t need names … says:

    Y’know what’s really weird? When you sleep with someone who writes a sex blog. You get a combination of feedback, reminiscence, and even future masturbation fodder.

  6. Molly says:

    I think we are always learning and learning what a partner likes and gets off on never stops, no matter how long you have been together

    mollyxxx

  7. Pingback: Fake It Till You Make It | Charlie In The Pool

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