So here we go, the first official November guest post.
In the words of Queen Lizzie herself, it’s fair to say that 2006 was my annus horribilis. I cut ties with my family in 2005 while hubby and I were ‘living the dream’ in Cambodia. I carried my pain as if it was a raw and excruciating visible wound. I was a mess, and could not see that there would be a day that I wasn’t.
When we returned home separately at the beginning of 2006 I was very fragile and teetered on the edge of my second breakdown the entire year (I had my first breakdown four years previous). I was working at a sales driven money motivated recruitment company, which was not good for my mental health. I became obsessed with the idea of buying property and almost purchased a complete dud. I was surrounded by affluent people who had been working hard and getting ahead while I’d been travelling and living abroad.
In the November I won a place on the quarterly social weekend. An all expenses paid, no expense spared trip to Reykjavik. After parting non-stop for 36 hours, and being so wasted I was rendered incapable of speaking, I took a taxi alone from the bar to my hotel on the other side of town. When I woke up the next morning I was utterly appalled with myself. I’d crossed the line this time. I’d argued with my boss, shown myself up in front of my colleagues and put myself in unnecessary danger once again.
I looked in the mirror and told myself that enough was enough. It stopped right here and right now. Today was going to be the first day of the rest of my life. It was my rock bottom, the penny had finally dropped and I woke up to the chaos I’d created in my life. I spent three months completely detoxifying. I didn’t even even look at an alcoholic drink during this period, then I learnt self-control so I would be able to have one or two then call it a day. I worked out and got my endorphins flowing. I ate great food and woke up my previously foggy brain. I read a ton of self-help books and developed a positive mental attitude. Most of all I learnt to be happy with the person in the mirror.
Fortunately my hubby gave our relationship one last chance and we worked things out. In fact it was the making of us (but that’s another story for another time). That horrendous year now feels like it happened to someone else, but I’ll never forget how close I was to losing everything.
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