Have you ever had that sudden realisation of where you have been going wrong for so many years?!
I am talking about relationships, mine in particular.
I seem to have this amazing ability to choose guys that are completely unattainable and are therefore very bad for me.
Why do I do this?
Who really knows?
Is it because I think so little of myself that I think it’s all I deserve.
I think I don’t deserve a great guy who cares so much about me, who treats me with respect, who can think of no other girl but me, who loves me for what I am.
I don’t even love me for who I am, how can I expect anyone else to? I am trying though.
Hobbit Boy is a perfect example of this, he emailed me over the weekend and since then I can’t stop thinking about him, working back in my home town this week is not helping with this, especially as I don’t know exactly where he lives so I may knock on his house or one of his friends houses and that does actually scare me. Why he even messaged me in the first place is still unknown. Why I still let him get to me is also unknown.
You know what I have come to realise during the whole new “self love/self appreciation” thing I’ve started.
I deserve so much better!
I deserve a guy who wants to want me, who appreciates what he has.
I deserve a guy who wants me as much as I want him.
He is out there somewhere and I will find this guy one day,
Until then, Is it wrong that I still want to try and have as much fun with the wrong guys as possible?
Whether I can do it and not get hurt is a completely different issue.